


Walls Keep You Safe (and all of mine have fallen)

by Moonmilkx



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Needs A Hug, Izaya has it rough, M/M, Sad, but is ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 18:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16434185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonmilkx/pseuds/Moonmilkx
Summary: Izaya has had a rough life, but no one needs to know that. No one did know, untill things start going downhill. Izaya's walls are breaking, and he doesn't know if he can survive without them.//I'm bad at summary's, the story is 100× better than the summary makes it seem, I swear.





	1. Childhood Traumas

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this is also on Wattpad under the same title,,,,,, ah, I'm really proud of this one!!!!

Orihara Izaya  
Someone dangerous right?  
Someone that should be avoided at all costs?  
Someone who deserved nothing but pain?  
But have you ever thought there might be a reason for his behavior?  
-  
_7 years old_

_Izaya woke up surrounded by a dark atmosphere,_  
_He quickly figures out why._  
_"Why did you have to fucking keep him!?"_  
_"Maybe I wouldn't have had him if you didn't give me a reason to cheat, bastard!"_  
_Izaya knew what they were talking about, this was a normal occurance. Of course Izayas parents did try to avoid these arguments, knowing that none of the topics were his fault._  
**_But they both disliked him._ **

_Izayas mother is not in love with his father. He was a very neglectful person and often forgot about his duties as a lover, and a household owner. There was a time when the two loved each other deeply, but his mother grew away from him, feeling she deserved better than that._  
_She met another man, and she fell in love. This other man was everything her husband wasn't._  
_They went out together and things got a little... Out of hand._  
_A little later he left her to fufill his dream of... Whatever it was._  
_And Izaya took on many features of her distant lover, and she sees him every time she looks at her child._  
_That's why she dislikes Izaya._

_Izaya's father is still in love with his mother. He does not show it well, but he was never told of his neglectful behavior. So when he was informed she was expecting, and that the unborn child wasn't his, he lost control. His heart was broken, and his soul shattered. He tried very hard to accept the child into his life, but he couldn't bring himself to do so, he can't love a child that isn't his own._  
_That's why he dislikes Izaya._

_Izaya knew about all of these things._  
_That's why Izaya dislikes himself._

_Izaya walked out of his small bedroom and into the kitchen._  
_"Mama, Papa, I'm hungry..."_  
_His father turned to look at him with a cold stare._  
_"Feed yourself, brat."_  
_His mother gasped._  
_"Don't you dare talk to him like that!"_  
_Izaya started to cry._  
_"Don't be mad at Iza-chan!"_  
_Izayas mother picked him up with a sweet expression._  
_"It's okay my dear, do you want Ootoro for brekfast?"_  
_Izaya nodded exitedly, but his exitement didn't last long._  
_"What your gonna treat the brat now?"_  
_Izayas mother glared at her husband, turning towards the kitchen with her child in her arms._  
_"Mama? Does Papa hate me?"_  
_Her sweet smile strained slightly._  
_"No baby, he loves you, he just doesn't like you..."_  
_Izaya frowned and wiped at his eyes._  
_"Why?"_  
_Izayas father swiped him out of his mothers arms._  
_"How about I tell you a story?"_  
_Izayas mother grabbed for her child._  
_"Don't you dare!"_  
_He glared at his fake son._  
_"Once upon a time there was a man and a woman. But the woman turned out to be a cheating Skank!"_  
_Izaya frowned at the angry words that he didn't understand._  
_"I don't like this, Papa!"_  
_Izayas father ignored him._  
_"So the bitch went off with another man and fucked him! And that's where you come into the story."_  
_Izaya sobbed, and pushed his father away._  
_"I want a different story!"_  
_Izayas father grabbed at his sons wrists, and yelled in his face as he dangled from them._  
_"Too bad! This is the story that you get!"_  
_Izaya cried out in pain._  
_"Let go of him!"_  
_Izayas mother scooped him up, patting his head softly as he cried._  
_She grabbed her purse and keys and ran to the door._  
_"Don't expect to be seeing your daughters!"_  
_Daughters? Izaya didn't remember having any sister's._  
_Izaya was put gently into his carseat._  
_"Can-... Can you remember how to buckle up?"_  
_He nodded._  
_"Do that for me honey."_  
_Izaya did as told as his Mama climbes into the front seat and locked the doors, starting the car and driving away._

_-_

_13 years old_

_Orihara Izaya was odd,_  
_He didn't talk much, and he kept to himself._  
_He could also be seen watching other kids, examining the behaviors of each and every individual. Izaya was weird, and disliked by many of his classmates. But he didn't care, this was normal for him._  
_Watching others was originally just to see if he could find someone who might be his friend, but eventually it turned into a hobby._  
_Izaya never did make a friend._  
_If he listend closely to his surroundings he could often hear people talking about him._  
_"Look at Orihara-san."_  
_"Orihara-san is so weird."_  
_"He keeps starring at those people."_  
_Izaya was never saddened by these things. They were just childish things being said by childish teenagers._  
_Then_   _he met_ ** _Shinra._**  
_Kishitani Shinra was an odd ball, even odder than Izaya_!  
_But Izaya still preferred to keep to himself. He knew how friendship could affect him and didn't want to take that chance._  
_But Shinra kept pushing._  
_And somehow they became friends,_  
_Special friends._  
_And for the first time in a long time, Izaya was happy about something._  
_They spent all of their time together, Shinra even helped him take care of his sister's when his mother was gone._  
_His sister's took a liking to the brown haired boy, even going as far as to call him 'Shinra-nii'_  
_Izaya and Shinra were very close, until Shinra got stabbed._  
_Izaya felt it was entirely his fault, and begin distancing himself from Shinra._  
_But Shinra didn't listen, that's where Izaya's attitude came in._  
_Izaya was rude and inconsiderate beyond that point, continuously pushing his former friend away._  
_Shinra took the bait, and They weren't close anymore._  
_Izaya was lonely, but as long as Shinra was safe, he could care less._

_-_

_16 years old_

_Izaya's attitude had become more normal throughought the years, and it was never questioned. People made rumors about the raven haired male, and it just gave him more and more ideas. The only thing that never changed was his family life,  his ten year old sister's still cared deeply for their brother._  
_"Iza-nii, I'm hungry!"_  
_"Iza-nii, will you come color with me?"_  
_"Do you like my picture Iza-nii?"_  
_"Iza-nii I want more ice cream."_  
_"Iza-nii, I'm not sleepy!"_  
_"Un! Not sleepy."_  
_It was always the same, and though Izaya would never say so to anyone else, he loves his sister's deeply._  
_"What do you want to eat, Kururi?"_  
_"Okay Mairu, wait one second!"_  
_"Yes Mairu, I like your picture very much."_  
_"Kururi you can't have anymore ice cream, you'll get a bellyache."_  
_"Kururi, Mairu, it's bedtime, I'll tell you a story if you go to bed."_  
_Izaya was an amazing big brother and can often be found stressing about every little thing at home. Were his sister's getting enough food? Do they have their clean uniforms? Are they warm enough? Are they getting to school on time? Are they eating lunch? The house needs to be cleaned. I need to make food. I need to wash dishes. I need to get groceries._  
_Izaya was a good person._  
_It's a shame no one else can know that._

-

Current time

Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay,   
Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay,   
Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay,   
Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay,   
Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay,   
Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay,   
Izaya is not okay, Izaya is not okay,

Orihara Izaya  _is not okay._


	2. Bruised and Bloodied

|DRRR!!|

It was a normal day in the streets of Ikebukero,   
And when I say normal I don't mean 'Ikebukero normal' I mean regular normal. No chaos between gangs, no vending machines or streetsigns being thrown across town.   
Nothing.  
Ikebukero was silent exept for the chatter and footsteps of citizens,   
Most people noticed the difference right away, especially Hewajima Shizuo, Kishitani Shinra, Celty Sturlson, and Kida Masaomi.  
And it took a while before anyone figured it out.  
Orihara Izaya was not active.   
He was not in the streets of Ikebukero reeking havoc with his monster.   
He was not in the Kishitani-Sturlson residence, being treated or just being a bother.  
He was not anywhere around Raira Acadamy messing around with Masaomi, Mikado, or Anri.   
He was nowhere to be seen.   
So Shinra took it upon himself to call the informant.

Izaya was startled by the sound of his phone, usually he wouldn't be, but it was his personal, which no one calls him from. He picked up the red clad device and answered it.

     "Ahh, moshi moshi~"  
     "Izaya! So your not dead!"  
     "Awe, Shinra you do care!"  
     "No, not really."  
     "Un,"  
It was silent for a few seconds.  
     "Oi, why did you call me, Shinra-san?"  
     "...Are you okay?"  
     "Hm?"  
     "You called me 'Shinra-san.'"  
     "Gomen."  
     "..."  
     "..."  
     "Ehhhhh!?"  
-click-

Izaya hung up the phone with a huff.   
It honestly ticked him off that Shinra freaked out about him apologising.

See, lately Izaya has been feeling a bit down. He doesn't even have the energy to come out of his house.   
So it's pretty reasonable that he was ticked off about that. His breathing often became shaky when he thought of his past relationship with the underground doctor. He truely loved him, more that anyone in the world, possibly still does. But he knew very well he wasn't -isn't- good for him, he knew if he stuck around him he would've gotten hurt.   
He shutters every time the thinks about it.

|DRRR!!|

Izaya finally mustered up enough motivation to head to Ikebukero.   
But for once he didn't want to run into Shizuo, he just wanted to get some Fatty Tuna and get out of there.  
Izaya walked into Russia Sushi, looking around for anyone he should be avoiding, he saw no one.   
     "Oi, Simon."  
     "Oh, hello Mr. Orihara."  
     "Don't call me that, get me the usual, and please try to be quick? I'm running on a short scedule."  
Simon nodded and went into the kitchen.  
Izaya huffed swiveling around in his chair with a bored expression.   
     "Izaya!!"  
Izaya groaned quite loudly and pulled his hood up. Good thing his attire was not his usual.  
He was wearing his usual skinny jeans, but wore light blue sneakers and a thin grey hoodie.  
Turning to face towards the counter, He pushed his sleeves up to his elbows and pulled out his phone, hoping to look like a highschool student, or not himself at the very least. Izaya waited a few minutes, then a few became too long.   
     "Simon, I really need to go!"  
     "Yes, But sushi is not yet ready!"  
     "I do-"  
Izaya was cut off by the stupidest human being in the planet yelling out the door of Russia Sushi.  
     "Hewajima-san! Orihara is in here!"  
Izaya's mouth dropped in absolute horror.  
     "Idiot!"  
He heard Shizuo's yell from a few blocks away, and right on time Simon gave him his sushi in a paper bag, he fished through his pockets and slapped a couple yen on the table and ran out the door.  
     "Where are you Izaya!? I can smell you, damn flea!!"  
Izaya looked in both directions, and realized that was a mistake, Shizuo caught a glimpse of his face as he looked right.  
At least Shinjuku was to the left?  
No, nothing about this situation was good. Izaya let out a curse and ran down the street, hoping Shizuo would get bored with his lack of taunting and leave him be.  
But of course nothing is ever that easy for him.  
     "Get back here you bastard!"  
Izaya thought he might get away, but that changed when he tripped, he stuck his hands out and cursed when the pavement tore the skin on his palms.   
Izaya's face hit the ground also, giving his left cheek the same treatment as his hands.  
     "Motherfucker!"   
Izaya looked up at the group of blue clad teenagers, scowling at them angrily. One must have tripped him, eager to see an infamous fight between the first and second most dangerous men in Ikebukero. When they saw his face, they stopped laughing immediately.  
They'll be sorry, but that's a topic for later.  
He quickly got up, and started to calmly walk away. Izaya looked at his palms, and gently wiped the blood off on his jeans, wiping his cheek off on his sleeve.  
     "Izaya!"  
He groaned, continuing to walk away.  
     "Go away Shizuo!"  
Izaya's embarassmant caught up to him. He should've been more aware! Orihara Izaya does not trip and fall!  
There was a hand on his shoulder and Izaya angrily shoved it off.  
     "Don't fucking touch me."  
Shizuo was taken aback, Izaya was genuenly angry.  
     "Izaya-"  
     "Shut up."  
Shizuo was fed up, so he grabbed Izaya's wrist.  
Izaya growled, turning to face Shizuo.  
     "I said don't fucking touch me, protozan!"  
Shizuo huffed.  
     "You never listen to me, why should I to you?"  
     "Shizuo, I get I mess with you when you're not in the mood for it, and I understand you have every right to do the same, but I'm genuenly not in the mood, you can yell, you can chase. But I can guarantee that I will not taunt or run. Cat and Mouse is no fun when the mouse doesn't want play."  
Izaya yanked his arm away, and turned to walk away.   
Shizuo looked at his hand and nearly puked by the amount of blood on it.  
     "Wait Izaya!"  
     "What do you want?"  
     "At least go to Shinra? your gonna get an infection and I don't think I can handle the image of blood on my hands."   
Izaya huffed.   
     "Fine, whatever."  
Izaya turned around and gasped.  
"My Ootoro!!"  
Shizuo snorted.  
     "What's so funny?"  
Shizuo gave one last look at Izaya, and turned around again.  
     "You sound like a teenage girl."  
     "Fuck off!"

|DRRR!!|


	3. Focus

|DRRR!!|

"Izaya stop fidgeting."  
Izaya clicked his tounge, rolling his eyes as his friend bandaged his wounds.  
"I'm serious, sit still or I'll have to start all over."   
Izaya huffed, scratching the bandage on his wounded cheek.   
Shinra smacked his hand.  
"Stop that."  
Izaya hummed, tapping his fingers on his leg.  
"Are you almost done?"  
"What are you, seven?"  
"No, thankfully."  
Izaya shivered at the thought. Shinra looked up at him.  
"Why not? Seven was some of the happiest times of my life!"  
"Wish I could say the same."  
Shinra gave a questioning look, finishing with the bandages and sitting down best to the carmine eyed male.   
"Care to explain?"  
"I would rather not, honestly."  
"Why?"  
Izaya put his index finger to his lips in a 'hush' motion.  
"It's a secret."  
Shinra gave a slight chuckle.   
"Of course it is, everything is a secret when it comes to you, huh?"  
"Yeah."  
Shinra patted the informants head, turning to look at the floor.  
"Now that I think about it, you never did tell me anything about your childhood, not even when we were-"  
"Yeah and for good reason... But you know about my sister's and my mother, isn't that enough?"  
"I mean I guess, by the way, how are those two?"   
"I don't really know, they don't talk to me anymore."  
"What? But they loved you! You might as well have raised them!"  
"Correction, I did raise them."  
Shinra nodded turning to look at Izaya, Shinra remembered when Izaya was tiny, and quiet. His hair shorter and styled different, constantly reading. He remembered when they were close.   
"God what happened to you..."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean- well, you were so cute and innocent, like, what happened?"  
"What do you mean by that?"  
"I guess what I mean is... What made you change? Or, in specific, who hurt you?"   
Who hurt him? There were so many ways to answer that.  
"My father, my mother, myself, Shizuo, you."  
Shinra frowned. Why would anyone want to hurt what he was? What he probobaly still is. How did Shinra hurt him?  
"How did I-"  
"I should probobaly go... I don't mean to be a bother."  
"No!"  
Izaya flinched at the sudden outburst.  
"I mean- you aren't. It's getting dark, you should probably stay here for the night."  
"I'd love to, but I can't, I have work first thing tomorrow. Duty calls you know?"  
"Alright, but try to get more rest. Don't forget you need to sleep to live alright?"  
Izaya laughed and nodded as Shinra walked him to the door.  
"Oh, and Izaya,"  
Shinra walked closer to Izaya looking him in the eyes. Izaya's eyes, they were a favorite feature to Shinra, a carmine red with flecks of gold and dark brown. The was so lured into his eyes He almost didn't notice Izayas slight blush, barely noticable atop his porcelain cheeks, dotted with light frleckles, it lured him to kiss Izaya.   
He did, just a soft peck though. Nothing more or less.  
When he pulled back, Izaya's cheeks were even more red. It reminded him of when they were thirteen.   
"Your welcome to come back, you may not think so, but I'm still your friend. You aren't a bother.... Most of the time."  
Shinra chuckled and opened the door for Izaya.   
Izaya gulped, quickly stammering out the door and pressing the button for the elevator.   
"Er, Arigato!"

|DRRR!!|

The next day Izaya could hardly focus on anything at all, he gave the wrong information to a client, he knocked over an entire bookshelf, shattered three coffee mugs, at once! Izaya couldn't even remember the last time he was this out of line!   
And it was all Shinra's fault!  
He can't stop thinking about how Shinra kissed him.  
Right as he started to get over him too!  
Izaya knew very well that catching feelings isn't something he should be doing, especially since Shinra was with Celty, and Celty only.  
And we all know it's only ever Celty.  
"Damnit!! Stupid Shinra and his stupid face and his stupid lips- stupid stupid stupid!!"  
Naime gave a chuckle from the other side of the room.   
"I suppose you forgot I was here?"  
Izaya groaned loudly.   
"Yes! Yes I did!"  
Naime huffed.   
"Shizuo was right, you are like a teenage gir-"  
Naime was cut off as a flickblade was thrown past her head and into the wall behind her.  
"How do you know about that?"  
Izaya said with a serious expression.  
Naime sighed and clicked a few keys on her laptop walking over to him and starting a video.  
It started out with a few blue clad teenagers laughing and whispering, then someone in a grey hoodie started to run towards them, they laughed and one stuck out his foot, causing the grey hooded male to fall, and- it finally clicked.  
"That's me, that's fucking me!"   
Izaya yelled loudly, slamming the laptop shut and putting his head down.   
"Yes Izaya-san, that's you. Good job!"   
Naime clapped sarcastically.  
"Do you want me to fire you?"  
Naime stopped and swiped her laptop off his desk and into her arms.  
"No."  
She went back to her desk on the other side of the room.   
"God, what am I gonna do?"  
Naime didn't respond, thankfully.  
Izaya frowned and put his coat on.  
"I'm heading out."  
Izaya grabbed his keys and slammed the door.

|DRRR!!|


	4. Truce

|DRRR!!|

Izaya was infuriated, beyond so actually, but could not think of a word for it.

Izaya was  _livid,_ andhe couldn't even fully comprehend  _why._  
Izaya stopped as he heard a motorcycle pull up beside him, and a distant neigh.  
     "Hello Celty, lovely today isn't it?"  
Celty typed something on her PDA and quickly shoved it in his face.   
      **"What are you doing here?"**  
Izaya sighed rolling his eyes.  
     "Honestly? Just taking a walk, I have too much on my mind."   
      **"Just a casual walk to** **Ikebukero?** **Or are you going to Shizuo? Why won't you leave him alone!"**  
Izaya pushed Celty's PDA out of his face.  
     "Actually I've been avoiding Shizuo. So that was kind of a dick move on your part, my dear Celty."  
Izaya put on a sarcastic smile, quickly dropping it and walking away.  
The Dullahan scrambled off her bike, grabbing Izayas shoulder and turned him around.   
      **"What's wrong!!?"**  
"What do you mean? I've been getting asked that alot lately, I'm fine."  
Celty left out a puff of black smoke, and started typing again.  
      **"I know as a living being with feelings, when you say your fine you never truely mean it. Plus you have bags under your eyes,  and you seem angry, also what happened to your face and hands? You really need to be more careful with your job-"**  
Izaya sighed loudly, rubbing his temples.  
     "Too long, didn't read. But I'll answer of what I saw. When I say I'm fine, it mean _s I'm fine,_ these bags have always been there, I'm angry because of Shinra and Naime, and I tripped and fell yeasterday. I'm suprised you haven't seen the video, somewhere over eleven hundred vews, likes eleven hundred plus, dislikes zero."  
      **"Video?"**  
"Damn Blue Squares."  
      **"What did Shinra do?"**  
Crap, Izaya probobaly should be left that one out.  
     "That isn't any of your business."  
Celty left out another puff of smoke.  
     "I'll be on my way now Celty."  
She have a quick nod and hopped into her bike. Riding away with a loud roar of the motor.  
Izaya groaned, a headache forming behind his eyes.  
"Damn it..."  
Izaya continued to walk farther into town. He felt a large throb of pain and his vision blurred, and he stumbled a little bit, running into someone.  
Izaya looked up at the male, and cursed.  
     "Tch, Damn flea."   
Shizuo threw his unlit cancer stick to the ground with an angry expression, his angry expression then went to confusion, and eventually concern when said flea stumbled once more, and leaned on the nearest building.  
     "Hey, are you alright?"  
The pain continued to get worse, and Izaya let out a small cry of pain.   
     "Izaya!"  
Izaya looked up at Shizuo with watery eyes. He can't cry, not now.   
     "Fuck!"  
Izaya clutched his head.  
     "Take me home- fuck- I'll leave you alone, I'll do anything just get me out of here!"   
Shizuo wrapped an arm around the informants back, not knowing what to do since he was somewhat cradling his worst enemy.  
     "Fuck that, I'm taking you to Shinra!"  
     At the mention of the main sorce of his emotional stress he groaned, but gave no protest as he was taken in the direction of the underground doctor.

|DRRR!!|

     "Izaya will be fine, just a mild concussion from that fall. Hence the headache, but- I don't advise too much activity. Could cause you a lot of pain."  
He turned to look at Izaya  
     "And so, under doctors orders, you will be staying here with me and Celty for at least a week. Got that?"  
Izaya made a sound of annoyance but nodded.   
Shinra then looked at Shizuo.  
     "Thanks for taking action, I think we both know very well he would've ignored it untill he hurt so bad he couldn't walk."  
     "Hey! Have you forgotten I  _a_ _sked_ for help?"  
Izaya's comment was ignored.  
     "Un, I have to go though. I have a job at two."  
Shinra nodded and gave the ex-bartender a smile.  
     "Thanks, Shizuo-kun!"  
Izaya grumbled a small thanks as well.  
     "Oh, Izaya?"  
     "Ah?"  
     "Truce?"  
Izaya blinked, was he hallucinating?  
Izaya smiled.  
     "Truce, stupid brute."  
Shizuo smiled back and walked out the door.  
Shinra gave a noise of approval.   
     "It's nice to see you guys finally getting along!"  
     "I like it, I really do."  
Shinra smirked.  
     "Or do you like him?"  
     "No! I only love Fatty Tuna!"  
Shinra gave a loud laugh at that, Izaya could be so childish at times!  
Izaya gave a slight giggle, putting a hand over his mouth.   
Shinra moved it, and hugged Izaya.  
     "Don't hide your smile, I miss it so much."  
     "I'm sorry."  
     "Don't be, I just want to know why it went away."   
Izaya sighed, sitting up and pulling up Shinra's shirt, pointing at the scar on his hip.   
     "That's why."  
Izaya looked in the other direction.   
     "It was my fault, and I knew that. I also knew that I wasn't safe for you to be around. I thought if I got an attitude, changed my personality, you would go away. You did though, I mean I was really lonely, but I was just glad you were safer."  
Shinra frowned deeply.   
     "Hey, this was my own fault, I got inbetween the two of you. I was your boyfriend at the time and I felt it was my responsibility to protect you. I jumped in the way, okay? This scar is my own fault."  
Izaya's eyes welled up with tears, and he made a point not to look at Shinra if he ended up crying.  
     "It was just so  _stupid,_ it shouldn't even have happened in the first place you know? I just feel bad because that's gonna be there forever, and I could have- should have- done something to stop it. I was your boyfriend too."  
Izaya wiped at his eyes. Shinra pulled him into another hug, resting his head atop his raven hair.   
     "I missed you, you know that? And I mean the real Izaya, not that phoney one you made for yourself. The one that had feelings, The one I loved in middle school."  
Izaya gave a short laugh.   
     "God we're pathetic aren't we."   
Shinra laughed as well.   
     "Yeah, but aren't we all?"

|DRRR!!|


	5. Tension

Izaya groaned loudly as he was dragged out the door of Shinras apartment.  
"I don't want to go."  
Shinra huffed and jabbed him in the ribs.  
"I don't care, I do!"  
"Well why do I have to come?"  
"Because you're under my care and I cannot leave you alone."  
Izaya dropped like dead weight.  
"Come on, you have to go."  
Izaya growled.  
There was a St. Patrick's Day party being held by Walker and Erika, and Izaya really didn't want to go.  
Mainly because there would be a lot of alcohol, which he despised. And a lot of Shizuo.  
And they may have come to a truce the other day, but Izaya really didn't want to see him drunk.  
"Over my dead body!"  
Shinra huffed.  
"Celty? Mind helping me out here?"  
"What!?"

|DRRR!!|

To his dismey, after a lot of screaming and fighting, Izaya ended up at the party.  
And he was really uncomfortable, there were men and women alike attempting to hit on him, all unusually young, or frighteningly old.  
And he was absolutely done.  
"Auyye!"  
Izaya growled at the drunk man in front of him.  
"Shut your dirty mouth, and leave."  
Izaya swivled the other way in his stool chair.  
"Don't-"  
He burped quite obnoxiously.  
"Don't be like that!"  
He tried to snake an arm around Izayas shoulder.  
Izaya almost puked.  
"Oi, drunkie. You heard him."  
Izaya new that voice, and for the first time ever was happy to hear it.  
He felt a light feeling in his stomach when Shizuo took the spot of the drunk man.  
"What's up with you?"  
"This has been happening all night, I didn't even want to come, but Shinra dragged me out the door."  
"Well I'm pretty much done here, so, want to come home with me?  
"Shinra might slit my throat... But alright."

|DRRR!!|

The walk there was utterly silent.  
Izaya stood next to Shizuo, risisting the urge to huddle up to him for warmth.  
"Izaya, are you cold?"  
Izaya shook his head, pulling his hoodie farther around himself.  
"You're lying. I can tell, your cheeks and nose are red."  
Izaya huffed, pulling up his fur trimmed hood. Shizuo gave a small smile, pulling Izaya closer and wrapping and arm around the smaller man.  
"Are you still cold?"  
Izaya looked away.  
"I wasn't. . ."  
He snuggled closer, dispite the words he just said.  
"Sure."  
Izaya huffed.  
Shizuo smiled, turning a corner.  
"Well, this is it."  
Izaya's jaw dropped, Shizuo had a two story flat with a huge walk out balcony.  
"Wow! I mean, not to be rude, but I wasn't expecting something so nice!"  
Shizuo grunted playfully.  
"I get that a lot."  
Shizuo walked up and unlocked the doors. Stapling in and kicking off his shoes.He turned to face Izaya.  
"You coming in?"  
Izaya snapped out of his shock and stepped inside. Slipping his shoes off and placing them neatly by the door.  
"Arigato."  
Shizuo snorted.  
"Why so formal?"  
Izaya shrugged sluggishly  
"Just wanted to be nice, I suppose."  
Shizuo placed a hand on the raven's head, ruffling his hair. Izaya laughed lightly, Grateful for the fact that Shizuo was very much sober.  
"I bet no one saw this coming."  
Shizuo smiled fondly at the short male.  
"Are you hungry?"  
Izaya smiled and politely shook his head.  
"No, but thanks for the offer."  
"Sleepy?"  
Izaya nodded.  
"That? Very much, so."  
Shizuo lifted Izaya up, gaining a giggle from him. Shizuo never would've thought how much he actually enjoyed Izaya's company.  
"Well, here we go."  
"Mmmmmh, no need, I'll sleep out here Shizuo. no need to give up your bed."  
Shizuo smiled once again, placing him back on the ground.  
"Well, I was planning on sleeping with you."  
Izaya's face went red.  
"Pardon me?"  
"AH! I didn't mean like that! I meant sleep in the same bed, under the same blanket! Not sex!"  
Izaya settled. Laughing loudly.  
"You scared me!"  
They both laughed, Izaya leaning on Shizuo for support as his tired, lazy legs no longer wanted that responsibility. Izaya smiled bright, his eyes lighting up like a blood moon in October.  
"Yeah, I'd like to do that instead."  
|DRRR!!|


	6. Feelings? Don't Have Any

|DRRR!!|

Izaya was having a damn good time. Shizuo suggested a watching something, So they were currently watching Haibane Renmei. Izaya was cuddled up to a pillow, and had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Shizuo was in the middle of the couch, his arms around the back of it. Izaya was tired though, he caught himself  almost falling into Shizuo several  times, and his eyes were heavy.

     "Izaya, are you tired or something?"

Izaya shook his head.

     "Why do you lie?"

Izaya shrugged. 

     "I'm not, but okay."

Shizuo frowned, but grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. 

     "You don't have to do that, Shizu-Chan."

Shizuo put his hand on Izaya's shoulder.

     "Really, why do you do that. Its like you care about everyone else's feeling more than your own, if you care at all. Not that it would hurt my feelings at all."

     "Feelings?"

Izaya thought for a moment, He was honestly surprised Shizuo cared about that, or payed enough attention to notice those things. he remembered back to every time he ditched his plans to be there for his sisters, or every time he did whatever Shinra told him, how whenever something happened to him he denied ever feeling any pain, but thinking about in now, all he ever feels is pain, pain or boredom, and a lot of regret. What part of his brain told him to do that? What part of his brain made him believe that his feelings are irrelevant? 

     "I don't have any."

Shizuo looked like his heart broke in his chest.

     "Don't say that. I've seen you crying, on the roof of your apartment building, blood pouring from your nose and your mom yelling at you to come down, throwing glass vodka bottles. I've seen you laugh like there was nothing better than running from me, taunting me to keep going. I've seen you sing softly under you'r breath with a smile as you walk to class with a book in your nose, somehow not brushing against a single person. I've seen you hide your body in the locker rooms when we had Gym together Junior year, I've seen you in a state of absolute panic, I remember that day, when Shinra got you in the middle of one of our dumb fights and told you your sisters were missing from school. Your face dropped and you threw everything involving me out the window, you forgot I was even there and you called your sisters over and over until they answered, and I listened to you tell them how absolutely terrified you were at the thought of someone taking them, and then you changed and told them they were grounded. I didn't even know you had sisters, or cared for them so much. then you hung up and smiled at me. I still remember exactly what you said. "Apologies, my dear Shizu-Chan, Are you ready to ruin more school property? You know you'll never pay off that debt." Then I chased you again." 

Izaya stared at him in awe. He opened and closed his mouth, not knowing what to say. 

     "I think back then, I only chased you because I thought you were attractive, and that scared me, so before you ever even said a word I decided I hated you."

Izaya blushed, He balled his fists in the blanket.

     "And I know you only taunted and ran because you liked it when I payed attention to you, and that I would drop everything to try to catch you."

Izaya let out a little giggle. Shizuo actually knew? He found that hilarious, the fact that Shizuo knew his entire personality was a lie, was funny to him.

     "The fact that you knew. . ."

Shizuo laughed a bit.

     "I guess I just didn't know how to come about it."

SHizuo looked at him and smiled, and Izaya actually found it adorable. he felt his cheeks warm up and gave a small nervous smile back.

Izaya yawned.

     "Bedtime!!!" 

|DRRR!!|

 Izaya woke up the next morning and immediately begun to panic. Shizuo's arm was wrapped around his waist tightly, and his head was placed gently atop Izaya's raven mop.

     "Oh my god. . ." 

Izaya tried to pry Shizuo's arm from around him, to no avail. He tried to slip under his arm but Shizuo only tightened it around him.

     "Shizuo. . ."

Shizuo didn't even move.

     "Shizuo wake up."

Izaya wiggled a bit, and tried to push Shizuo off of him.

     "Okay that's it- SHIZUO WAKE THE HELL UP!!"

Izaya screamed. 

     "WHAT THE FUCK!?"

Shizuo scrambled off the bed, tangling his legs in the blanket and falling off the other side. there was a bump and glass shattering. Izaya tentatively peered over the other side of the bed.

Shizuo lay on the ground, legs tangled in the blanked and a shattered glass cup off the side of the nightstand.

"Sorry. . ."

Shizuo started to laugh, loud and clear. Izaya felt his heart swell, but ignored it.

"It's fine Izaya, really."

He decided he really liked it when Shizuo used his name with no hostile intentions hidden in it.

Or maybe he just really liked Shizuo.

|DRRR!!|


	7. Hiatus, kinda?

I don't have any ideas!!!! Please please PLEASE comment and tell me some ideas for the next chapter. Or even Dm me on Instagram, under Akkapru, or Keaton.is.juuling  
I just need a Kickstarter! Some idea for the next chapter to motivate me and get me up and running again! I really don't want to discontinue this.


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